Reminded Again:)

"Jesus loves you."

"You're forgiven."

"Our God is great."

hearing a saying your whole life can desensitize you to the message. i've heard these since grade school. over time i have come to say them, but not grasp the true meaning. my mouth was cut off from my emotions. last night the youth experienced a unique worship service. they silently and individually went over attributes of God posted on the wall. the purpose was to let them self-discover what those attributes meant to them personally. then we went to a music service. throughout the songs i sat in the back of the hall and just had an intimate moment with my Lord. i sang at the top of my lungs, danced in my aisle, and let Him work in my heart. He took that and reminded me of a few things.

My God is patient: He never gives up on me.

He is love. My heart felt truly enveloped in His all-consuming passion for me...the girl who sins against Him, who turns my back on Him, who is selfish and ungrateful. He loves me. Last night i was overcome with affection towards Him. How great is our God! i get to serve a God who i offer nothing to yet He offered me His best: I have the hope of a life spent with Him! Praise be to God! im weak and poor, but ALL i have is His, every single breath i breathe, every single moment He gives me on this earth. it is His!

the other thing He reminded me of last night, and i dearly love Him for this, is that my sins are paid for. im always the girl with the guilty conscience. i hold on to my mistakes after ive asked for forgiveness, they weigh me down and make me feel ashamed. However, last night as i wrote my confessions on a slip of paper and taped it to a cross, i thought about exactly what i was doing: i was placing the weight of my transgressions onto my Savior's shoulders as He died. I was nailing the nail in His perfect hand. I was spitting into His unblemished face. I was casting my sins at His feet, begging for mercy and for forgiveness. and you know what He did? He took them and loved me in spite of my screw ups. I am in awe of my amazing God.

so guess what world? MY SINS ARE GONE! they are wiped clean, payed for. FORGIVEN! no more. Forgotten! as far as the east is from the west! at the bottom of the ocean floor. Jesus paid it all. and all to Him i owe. sin had left me stained with the deepest stains. but He chose to wipe them white as snow. That is why i love my God. and that is why i praise Him with every fiber of my being.

so take heart. have hope in the Lord. because He forgives, forgets, and loves endlessly.

ASHLEIGH!!!

The Voicemail/Phonecall that Made My Life!

you, my dear friend, have made my world by thinking to call me. that meant so much to me. i love you to nashville and back, to the stars and back. basically to the edges of the universe. thank you so incredibly much for caring enough to do that. you are the absolute best. and i am so grateful God put my other half into my life. definitely His work.

to live for Him

on the very first day in Nashville we had to write our goals for the upcoming two weeks. i honestly wrote what had been laid on my heart for a while. i put this list in my notebook and moved on. i read it on the last day of camp and was struck by how many i had grown in. i set it back in my notebook and forgot about it.

until this morning, that is. i read the list and realized it wasnt just a notecard of my goals for the two weeks of mission work, it was a list of goals for my life. a list of things i need to grow and improve on. here is my plea: for those who read this to keep me accountable for these. to assist me in moving forward, to urge me into action. to keep me from staying stagnant and stationary.

here are my unedited and uncensored goals. this is what was written on that notecard in my journal. this is my prayer for the Lord, that He will move and me and complete His work that has been started in my heart. Im not perfect, I never will be. But i yearn to live for Him and to run towards Him, to strive for His kingdom.

Goals:

• for God to humble me to the point where i can see where i need improvement.
• strengthen my convictions
• to see ways to minister daily and to seize those opportunities
• to stop being self-centered and to abandon my dreams to God; to let HIm plan my life
• to have the courage to follow through with everything i learn here
• to be satisfied in Him ALONE
• to be humbled enough to learn daily
• to really feel, know, and experience God's unrelenting love and salvation to the fullest extent. to cast away my insecurities, regrets, and worries.
• to have the faith to take action and witness.
• push my limits
• love others fully and without holding anything back
• make a life change

God, this is my prayer.

You know my heart, my insecurities, my doubts and my failures. You know my dreams, desires, and plans. Help me search for You in every second of my life. I pray that not a minute goes by where i'm not reminded of Your love and the gift of life You so freely gave. I pray that i follow through on these goals, that i carry them with me every day. Please continue to move in my life. Help me stay focused on You, to not get so easily sidetracked by this world and my selfishness and pride. I love You for being gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, yet abounding in love. I can never fully thank You for not giving up on me. It's my goal to live for You. Strengthen me, embolden me, give me courage to live for You.

In Your precious and holy name,

Amen.

χέρια και τα πόδια του Θεού

χέρια και τα πόδια του Θεού- The hands and feet of God. I hear this saying all the time in songs and sayings, "Go and be the hand and feet of God," "I want to be Your hands and feet."

It means i want to do Your work, God. It means i surrender my pride to you. i hand over my day for Your will. Take it from me, help me live for You today. I want to live for the One who keeps on forgiving me, who keeps on loving no matter what, who is always there. i want to live for You and You alone. Bring me to my knees, show me where i can love today in this broken and hurting town. i want to be Your hands and feet and show Your lovingkindness. i don't want to fade into the culture, i dont want to slip back into the world. Help me stand out for You today, Lord. David was called "The man after God's own heart." i want to leave a legacy like him, i want to strive to be "The woman after God's own heart." Keep me strong in You, i give You my day, my life, as a living sacrifice. i love You, i praise You, i want to be Your hands and feet. Make me the χέρια και τα πόδια του Θεού today.

the beauty of youth

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

-1 Timothy 4:12

Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young.

I may be young. I may be carefree. I may have my own way of looking at the world. But that does not make me wrong. I have ideas, beliefs, a faith, a way of seeing the best in people, and a way of hoping in the face of reasons not to. These are all real. Nobody can take them from me. My innocence is by choice, but does not mean that I don't understand the world, that I do not see things as they are. Spontaneity does not negate intelligence. Free spirited does not mean immature.

Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.

Alexander Hamilton

Here I am, standing for what I believe in. I won't let the world define me. God gave me passion and curiosity and conviction for a reason. I chose what I believe in and what I fight for. My life was given to me by a God who blessed me with characteristics, opportunities, and resources. I am trying to make the best of them. While others might not agree, I will pursue these whole heartedly. I am not looking for approval or assistance of the world. I will chase what I feel led to, and if others do not agree then they can stand by and watch while I run for my God, while I run towards Him.

So mock me because I am young. Assume that I am ignorant and immature, that I am naive and wrong. Because I will prove to you that my God enables the passionate and the young. He gives me my eagerness to pursue relationships and new experiences. He gives me my conviction and assurance in my beliefs. I am strong because of Him. There are different ways of looking at a situation, those differences make me beautiful and loved by Him. So don't discount me. I may be young, but that doesn't make me incapable of being right, of being inspired, and of being able to pursue what I believe and know to be true. I will respect the belief of others, while holding my own opinion. and that, my friends, is the beauty of being young. <3

My Princes... Run to Win

I found this today. How "God timing" it was too. He knows what i need, when i need it.

This is in an amazing book full of "love letters" from our King.

"Remember that in a race everyone runs,

but only one person gets the prize.

You also must run in such a way

that you will win."

-1 Corinthians 9:24

You, My princess, are destined to win. I know how tired you often become, just by trying to do and say all the right things. Take that pressure off yourself, because I did not put it there. The world may judge you by what they see and hear, but I look within your heart, My child. I see your desire to please Me, and I see your struggle to please others. If you want to win this endurance race, you must let go of your need for the approval of others and seek My will and My pleasure. Simplify your life, and let go of the burdens that weigh you down. You'll find that My grace will lighten your step, and My favor will even draw others to join you. Yes, at times you will stumble and fall. But don't worry. I'm here to help you get back up again- as often as it takes. Make it your daily passion to run with Me, and I will carry you over the finish line of your faith. Together we will win!

Love,

Your King and your Champion.

seeking confidence

Where do i seek my confidence?

compliments, the mirror, the scale, through others. thats where i used to search for it. Last year, at SLA, i noticed how joyful and secure in myself i was while there. I was focusing on running towards the Lord, so i stopped caring if i had on makeup for the day, i stopped noticing if i looked this world's definition of "perfect" before running out the door. Flash forward to senior year. my confidence is firm at the beginning of the year, i'm not looking to others to make me feel satisfied or approved of. that is, of course, until someone completely tears me down and makes me feel insecure as i was before SLA. after April, i decided to not let others define my happiness and the way i feel about myself. The King of Kings, my Heavenly Daddy loves me just how i am. He delights in me. He made me this way, all my quirks and insecurities, all my shining aspects and my most annoying habits. He loves me in spite of this...He loves me because of this. So now that i have stopped looking to my peers to seek self-confidence, where do i look for in search of a confidence of life? it would previously come from feeling wanted and loved by the world, but that's not it anymore. I was made to stand out, to be set apart, and an outcast for the Lord.

"I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord:

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord."

-Psalm 27:13-14

This is where i am confident. The Lord loves me, He has prepared a place for me in His kingdom, so I will be strong and take heart for Him. I am waiting for something better than this earth, so it doesn't matter if i have the approval, ok, or support of this world. I have something better, the confidence in a King.

set free

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,

along with every form of malice.

Ephesians 4:31

Today, i let go of my bitterness. It wasn't a conscious effort. The other night, I prayed that God would take my whole life. That He wouldn't just take the parts i wanted to show, but that He would take it all. He took ahold of the "righteous anger" that i had held on to for so long, that i had argued, defended, and woven into my memories, and completely removed it from me. I normally wouldn't have realized this for a long time, maybe i would have found a way to get that anger back by the time i saw the people it was directed against. But this morning right when i woke up, i got a call from one of those said people. I was braced for a flood of emotions, but all i got was a happiness that the slate was wiped clean. After that a deluge of joy and relief swept through me. It takes so much effort to stay angry and to keep a grudge. I am so quick to forgive everyone around me! People mention it to me all the time, i'm "too easy" on people, i "give out chances like they'll never run out", i "need to be more selective on who i forgive." It's something i do tho, i don't like the feeling of anger. But when it was my own family, i couldn't let go of the bitterness. I held on to it for an inexcusable amount of years. But this morning, i felt freed from it. I thank God for that. He took that weight from me when i cast it on His shoulders. I no longer have to worry about being cold or angry to these people. I can show them the love of my Savior, which i should have been doing for years. So thank you, Lord, for the clean heart. I praise you for this unshackled feeling. The burden is gone, i've been set free, and I'm never looking back.

for You i sing i dance

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty’s all I see

The brightness of Your glory has arrived

In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance

Rejoice in this divine romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You

Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room

Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life

In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

-Divine Romance, Phil Wickham

I listened to this song yesterday and was overcome with joy. Anybody who has been to a worship service with me, who has been to a concert with me, or who has even seen me anytime music is playing knows that i love to sing and dance. It's how i express myself. I can't stay silent or still whenever i hear music. This song, these lyrics, touch that part of me. i sing and i dance for a King of Kings. I sing because it's how i express my joy. my complete and utter love for the One who saved me. it's how i worship.

"Praise the Lord.

Praise Him with the sounding of the trumpet,

praise Him with the harp and lyre,

Praise Him with Tambourine and dancing,

Praise Him with the clash of cymbals,

praise Him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord. "

-Psalm 150:1, 3-6

We are called to praise Him with everything we have. With complete abandonment I lift my hands and dance for the King. How lucky we are to have that opportunity. So yes, i dance like there is nobody watching, and I sing at the top of my lungs. I might look like i'm absolutely crazy to some, but i give it all to Him. Complete surrender of worship was the most meaningful realization i ever had. Once i stopped putting on a show for others and actually used that time to meet with God and to praise Him i was no longer focused on how it would look to others, i was actually loving Him. For Him, i sing and i dance. I rejoice in that divine romance.

like the rising sun that shines:)

today is going to be a beautiful day. i give it to You, Lord.

the most encouraging thing for me to do is listen to SLA songs first thing in the morning. It gets my heart in the right place to live the day for someone greater than me.

We are,
Living to make Your Name high Jesus
Living to make Your Name high Jesus You,
Gave what the world couldn't offer us
Say what they want, Say what they want
We are free!

We are free!
thats such a powerful statement. We are free in Christ. My heart is overjoyed because i no longer have to worry about this world, He has it taken care of. In Him i am free to run, I am free to dance, I am free to live for Him. I am free to run as hard as i can towards Him and let the world fall away.

so i'm not shaken. and i'm not letting go!

awake my soul and sing

SLA. words can't describe how incredible that experience was.

The other SLAyers were legit. Not gunna lie, i made some lifelong friends out of them. Let's just say that Ashleigh and i were both otters, and that makes my heart so happy:) She was definitely meant to live in texas one day so we can be bestfriends.

The staffers were amazing too; David opened my eyes and helped me see that every conversation, every action, every moment should be given to Christ. Never have i met a person who is more deep, more loving, or more passionate for the Lord. He is such an inspiration to me.

As well as Megan. She wasn't even affiliated with the camp, yet she managed to have an impact on me. that's how much of a light for Christ she is. When i heard the verse about being a "city on a hill" today, i thought immediately of her. How open she is to new people and how positive she is. I miss these people more than i can say.

And my little brothers: eric, javontae, kenneth, and camren. Jada and Mika too. I miss those kids. They came from harsh backgrounds; family lives that weren't the best, rough parts of town, discouragement around every corner. Yet they still managed to bright joy to my days at camp. They loved so freely and just wanted someone to give them time. If i could i would still be with them at PTM, letting them know they are loved and treasured.

i grew so much in my relationship with Christ as well. those two weeks held a lot of knowledge to be gained for me, and a lot of realizations that had to take place. I am a prideful person, and i have to daily ask to be brought to my knees. Asking for humility is one of the hardest prayers i have ever prayed. I am literally asking the Lord of the universe to wreck my world and make me as small as i can be so i have nowhere to go but to Him. That scares me. But my trust is in the Lord.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

-Romans 12:1-2

This verse tells me to humble myself before my God. To stand up for Him, to pursue Him. but also, something that becuase of my pride, stands as my biggest challengs. and that is sacrifice. It was a theme at fuge: surrendering your life to Christ. To give Him everything: good, bad, plans, desires, hopes, and goals. I'm a planner. I know what i want with my life. i say i live for God, yet i go about my day with my pride saying i know whats best for me and what im doing with my life. If i truely surrender then it will no longer start with the word "i". it will be "God is telling me to do this." or "God is leading me here". I dont listen. the words sound fine, "i surrender all," but when push comes to shove, do i actually give over every single fiber of my being?

It has to be more than words. I have to live it. Thats the hardest part. so hold me accountable. keep me to a higher standard.

Lord. because You love me and created me, You know what's best for me. I want to serve and trust You from here on. Take my life.

That's my prayer today. I want my life to be a living sacrifice. Holy and pleasing to God. He is good. He is my stronghold. He loves me with an everlasting love despite my fears and failures and stupid selfish decisions. He has a plan for my life that puts mine to shame. I can't wait to find out what it is. I just know that i want to run after Him and never look back.