spring-a tale of seasons

curled up with an open Bible in Starbucks, my normal hangout after prayer with my young life team, i can't stop thinking about seasons. this thought has been on my heart for the past week even though it's no new concept to me. every life has seasons, time of great hardships and times of relaxation, times of loneliness and times of overwhelming company. you know that feeling where you can't stop thinking of something, though, so you know it has to be from God because there's no way you'd still be thinking that thought a week later-especially if you're like me and have the attention span of a toddler? well there are two of those circling my head like little cartoon birds. the first is a question: if i knew the season i am in now, would i still go through everything i've been through in the past year and a half? the second is a thought that brings endless joy: i am in a very distinct and precious season right now. i am in spring.

let's go back to that first thought. it's a big one for me. i'm the type of person you know well, the one who always questions, always goes back and rethinks situations, who knows the perfect way to handle a problem after ive goofed it up and fumbled around awhile. im the girl who learns through mistakes and has to experience everything i can get my hands on. you think im kidding? ask my dad-who i always call for advice in the midst of a situation ive gotten myself into. ask my mom-who always hears me vent my problems and offers wisdom from every angle possible. ask my sister- who warns me and then watches me careen headfirst into trouble. this is my lifestyle. i can't help but wondering if it was worth it. some of the messes ive stumbled through are painful to think back on. some i can see the benefits of right away and others i'm still struggling to make sense of. Sunday morning had an answer so inspiring though that i cannot stop dwelling on it and speaking it to myself. the Truth is Romans 8:28-30. growing up in the church i've heard this bad boy about twenty times already, but Sunday brought new revelations that were balm to all my self-chosen situational injuries over the past years.

God spoke Truth to my heart clearer and louder and more precious than i've ever heard Him speak. i wrote it down exactly as i heard. this is what my Daddy said," I will use everything for your good, Madeline. those situations were not wasted. they caused you to seek Me more. they showed you My care, My provision, and My intimate knowledge of you. I am making you more like Jesus through all of this. I am at work. and I will finish what I started. I chose you, Madeline. Be confident of that. I am at work in you. I am using everything for your good, I have a plan."

so those hardships: the friend who had severe medical issues coupled with spiritual warfare that left me scared and anxious, the church that spoke their own truths that left me hurt and confused, the boy that i settled for that left me bitter and angry at myself, the organization i dreamed of that didn't work out leaving me embarrassed and let down, and the guy who left me feeling guilty and that i had wasted my time- my God is bigger than all of that. He is using every single instance for my own good to glorify Him. He is sanctifying me through it and drawing me closer to Him. so i am thankful for those experiences. for the times i have fallen accidentally and then blatantly chosen to fall-thank you Lord. it could have happened a different way, but Your plan is beautiful and i can't wait to see how you turn those messy situations and choices into something glorious. the thought brings me endless joy.

i'll be brief about thought two because let's be honest-if you've even read this far you're probably antsy for the conclusion. sorry, i know im longwinded but it's been forever since ive written. i just can't seem to stop and the coffee isnt helping. the long awaited thought-the season i am in right now is so unique. i am in a place where i have no stinking idea where God is leading me. i literally have to take my life at a day by day pace. i listen for what the Lord is telling me that day and i follow. i have no far reaching directions, no visible path im on. He knows and that's enough for me. i am called right now to spring- a time of renewal and joy. a time of seeing the small things-like beautiful weather, a text from a friend, time with my favorite sister- and finding complete happiness in them. i am ridiculously glad to have this time of obedience, of patience, because it demands that i trust Jesus for my everything. for my satisfaction, for my provision, and for my leadership. i absolutely love it. when else am i going to have this beautiful freedom? my God is so good.

now that ive thrown my whole life out there, i wrap up with this. go read Psalm 103. it's a shot of pure joy and thankfulness to the heart. find contentment in the fact that God is at work in our lives, putting the pieces together for our good and His glory. He is leading us in a beautiful journey, all we have to do is follow. enjoy the season.

fight for holiness.

fight.

i wrote this to myself for those moments when i feel like picking the world over Jesus. i know that my parents are probably the only people reading this blog-but if someone needs to know that there are people fighting on their side, if someone needs inspiration to keep going, if someone needs encouragement to pick Jesus- i have faith that they will find this. Jesus can and will use anything for His glory. im praying this is used to glorify Him in my own life and hopefully can be helpful to my brothers and sisters. because we were meant for more.

Madeline Randa Harper.

do not be a selfish idiot.

you were created for so much better. why are you settling for the world when you can have Jesus? you will never make it to the milestone if you can’t make it through this moment. so be strong. be a warrior. and fight it. say no. let Christ be your strength and your source of holy power. you have His Spirit in you. cling to it. FIGHT.

if you live in sin you will miss the life God has planned for you. stop acting like this world is your home. you are a daughter of the King. you are His. you were meant for something greater than settling. do not let anything tell you any differently.

think of Claren. what would she say?

“for every temptation, God has provided a way out. you are weak, but He is strong.”

think of Alana. what do you tell her?

“you are a new creation. the old has gone-the new has come.”

think of Amanda. think of every girl at Rudder.

you tell them that Jesus is worth more than their vices. do NOT be a hypocrite.

think of Jesus Christ. of you Heavenly Daddy.

He is holy. He is sanctifying you. trust Him. He is faithful.

do NOT break. beat this moment. for them. for you. but above all-for your Savior.

His grace has made you whiter than snow. His love covers your inadequacies. be still and know He is fighting for your heart. in this moment, He is telling you to choose Him.

so be who you are meant to be:

a daughter of the King.

strong

faithful

a warrior

accountable

obedient

do not settle. cling to Him.

you are more than this moment.

a

purpose

i had a beautiful revelation this morning:

being single is a gift that i dont want to take for granted.

i get to pour into and be poured into by one Groom

i have no stress of finding "the one" because He is better than any one here

i trust that He will take care of me and sustain me, giving me exactly what i need when i need it.

right now i dont need any significant guy besides my God, my daddy, and my brother.

someone once told me that you meet the people you love the most when you are doing what you most love. so on the days when i give Jesus my all, on the days when i am worshiping, on the days when i am living most like Christ-i know thats a day when ill meet those people who will impact my life the most. so ill focus on those and leave the daydreaming of mr. right to the chickflicks.

boyfriends are so overrated anyways. i just want Jesus.

the battle of Truth

i wrote this on the way home the other night. i've been thinking about reading it at a Young Life club. i'm not sure yet, it still needs a lot of prayer and work. but i was convicted of us not fighting hard enough for these kids lives. this is a war. are we doing our part? am i brave enough to risk it all for Him? my God is worth the courage.

The Battle of Truth:

here we are suited up in our toughest armor

going to battle for the sake of the souls

where the world sees smiles

we see God shaped holes

so what do we do?

we shout of a love sent straight for the whore,

for the liar for the cheater and the thief,

for the hypocrite and even the good girl.

i’m sick of satan speaking lies through media

telling the youth they’ll never be enough

you aren’t pretty enough, aren’t skinny enough

you aren’t funny enough, brave enough,

strong enough smart enough.

enough of the lies.

i’m tired of girls thinking sex is the only way to gain true respect

and i’m tired of boys hearing trophies are the only way to lasting glory

there sits satan on the sidelines,

telling you the answer is more,

always more. more likes, more views, more lust,

more gossip and hatred and anger

and so goes on the endless abuse.

we use our friends as mirrors and our apathy as disguises.

you get your views from the world even though its selling your soul

for the price of fake happiness is destructively high.

the love of your Savior gets ridiculously reduced

to a nice quiet guy telling relative truth.

so you want the truth?

my God is king.

and He wont sit by quietly watching while His children are destroyed.

oh no. this is battle.

He sent the great warrior to make you His bride,

not mindless helpless cattle led astray by this world.

so walk down the aisle

say yes to a love that puts sin to death so our actions could rest

and our broken hears can smile.

just walk down that aisle.

we were hopeless and yet He walked in to this mess.

He conquered the enemy and restored our vitality. in Him.

so the battle has a victor. He’s just collecting His prize

to take up the armor with Him at their side

and to finally become the beloved bride.

the price is amazing, you can get this for free,

if you just place your trust in the One

who paid it for you at Calvary.

living on the bright side

it's time to rid my life of negativity and fill it with positive thinking, uplifting people, and encouragement.

away with any comparison that isn't me to Christ.

out with doubts and crippling insecurities.

i will walk with confidence and strength.

let grace flow in and hope soar out.

the dreamer lifestyle will never be so in style.

giving will never cease.

beauty will be a way of life.

compassion will propel me and joy will be the song of my heart.

there will be no fear of making mistakes, but a glorious freedom.

the world will not define the free spirits.

creativity will be embraced as well as laughter and spontaneity.

and i will always find myself in Him.

while im waiting

Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. James 5:7-8

so encouraged by these verses this morning. He will bring the rain, He will bring the harvest. He will uplift and sustain me. I will be with Him soon, so I can give Him my all now, so that when I meet Him on that Glorious Day, I will have nothing left. I will tell Him that I gave every last ounce of strength, of time, of money and effort until I had nothing more to give. I will tell Him that as i waited, I ran until my knees gave and then i picked back up and kept on running. as i waited, i praised until my voice gave out and then i kept on singing. I surrendered all i had, knowing it wasn't mine to begin with. i trusted Him with everything and kept nothing as my own, for i am nothing without Him. as i waited, i planted the seeds, i watched for rain, i sowed the crops until the last second He called me home.

and He was worth every thing.

restore.

she panted for water. the lack of moisture her body took it's slow toll on the girl, taking away her vitality first, then her energy, and then her hope for replenishing. she had no friend to offer her water, no person by her side to give her a respite. all had left. all were giving their water to others, too preoccupied to hear her pleas. desperate, she searched from place to place, looking for liquid to break the drought. all other drinks were refreshing for an instant and then, from sips to gulps, left her even more thirsty. her body too tired to cary on and her throat too desiccated to cry out, the shadow of a girl slowed to a crawl. her despair overtook her, dry sobs wracked her body. through the exhaustion, she lifted her head up one last time, past the point of worrying who came, just wanting some relief. she strained her eyes, desperate to believe there was still someone who could help, who could revive her.

she remembered a day when she had her fill of water. she could remember what it felt like to drink, to have her full, and to have that source carry her through the day. she longed for that feeling again, she lifted silent pleas-begging for someone to break through the haze with relief, and managed one word, "please." in that moment, she saw a figure. for the first time since the drought, she had hope it could break. the figure walked to her, with assurance and ease, as though he was already waiting, already planning on being there. her chapped lips tried to form words, but none could make it past her dry throat. she was too weak to speak, yet she managed to lift her arms. she pushed herself clumsily to her feet, stumbled, and then began to run towards the figure. a run could not get her there fast enough, the ghost of a girl sprinted towards the man with the last of her energy.

with nothing left in her, she collapsed blindly into his arms. the embrace was comforting, familiar and steady. she was lifted off her feet and carried to a place of rest. he reached to his side and pulled up a cup of water, pouring it into the drained girl's mouth. her eyes sprang open, her heart beat a little less faint. the girls thoughts started to arrange themselves and she drank deeply. she could not remember a time when water was so sweet. her body was replenished, and all she could do was weep with joy and gratitude. she looked at the man who had carried her from the desert. "how did you know i was there? why did you save me? who sent you?" the questions sprang from her ceaselessly.

smiling, he took her hand. "i was always there, my beloved. all you had to do was look to me. i will never leave, i always have more. all you need to do is ask." with that, her heart was full. the joy welled up inside her and her laughter could not be contained. she thanked him with everything she had, and felt something hit her hand. she looked down in surprise, then turned her eyes towards the heavens. raindrop after raindrop came tumbling down to the earth, bringing life and restoration to the desert. the girl got to her feet, pulled the man up with her, and danced her heart's smile with him in the pouring rain. and she was not left wanting.

John 4:1-14

Matthew 7:8

Psalm 30:11-12

faithful

Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, His body, and since we have a Great Priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure Water. Let us hold unswervingly to the Hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised, For,

"In just a little while,

He who is coming will come and will not delay"

And

"But my righteous ones will live by faith.

And I take no pleasure in the ones who shrinks back."

But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.

Hebrews 10: 19-23, 35-39

unswerving hope. confidence. faith. patience to wait for His completion of promises.

this went straight past all the walls i have built up and right to my heart. He knows. He understands that i want answers, that i want action. my Lord sees my whole heart, He sees the desires there. He knows how much i miss people, how hard it is to sacrifice, He is aware that i am impatient and lack confidence at times. and He understands how much i needed this today.

i don't always understand why i was supposed let go of someone i miss daily, but He is faithful. i don't know why doctors keep on giving frustrating dead ends, but He is faithful. i have no clue what i'm doing with the rest of my life, but He is faithful. i don't understand what my purpose is at rudder some days,where i fit in that ministry, who im called to love and why i dont seem to have it right, but my Savior is faithful. my full assurance is in my God, my confidence is in Him. He will be faithful.

so i wont shrink back. i wont be watered down and walked over. i wont be talked down and have my passion calmed. i wont stop taking risks and walking out on that ledge. because i trust His grace to cover me, His greatness to pull through, and His love to carry me.

my God is faithful, He will come through in ways greater than i can imagine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzJH4YeqfuQ

actions speak louder

do i pray with confidence, approaching the throne knowing my King is victorious?

do i live without fear, knowing that satan will be vanquished and nothing can hold Him down?

do i serve with selflessness, knowing that everything for the least of these is for my Redeemer?

do i love without restraint, knowing i am compelled by His love?

do i speak with boldness, knowing that i have the Truth on my side?

do i seek without distraction, knowing only One thing matters in this world?

the potential of nothing

Hannah, a name meaning grace. the first girl in Rudder High's C lunch that i sat with. she's the one in the corner, the amazing artist who seems quiet at first but has the best things to say. the one who is so non-judgemental it's insane. she's that girl who most people put into a stereotype that she breaks by being open and sweet. Hannah, the girl brave enough to move from kentucky and start her senior year in a new state, a new school, entirely alone. who people have gravitated to so naturally that after 6 weeks in school she went from lunches by herself to surrounded by twelve other ragtag kids who love her. you know, that one girl who loves deadmou5 and anime and took the time to tell me all about it. that girl.

Hannah, a name meaning favored by God. she's become my friend over the past month. we've bonded over cafeteria food and awkward prying questions, over loved ones in kentucky and wanting a better music scene in town. by God's hand, definitely nothing i did, she looks forward to seeing me at lunches. she came to a dodgeball night for young life because she knew it would make me happy. her heart is so sweet- this girl came to club because she wanted to give me a fighting chance at proving to her that younglife isn't all that bad. within the first five minutes of club her desire to bolt through the door was overwhelming. she found me in the club room and shouted "if i didn't love you i wouldve already left." and there went a punch to my heart. my friend Bex gave an incredible club talk over the prophecies of the Bible coming true. she told the kids how we leaders followed Christ because we believe in Him and His Truth. Hannah, a name meaning grace, muttered "i didn't know this was a religious thing." Bex asked what the Jesus meant to the kids and Hannah, said "nothing."

the Lord of all means Nothing.

the punches kept on coming and my heart broke for my friend.

After club i asked Hannah what she thought. she told me if she could leave before the religious stuff then she would come, but she just felt so rude. even though she was blindsided by a talk of God, she still wanted to make me happy. the lengths she would go to for a friendship is incredibly touching. she continued saying that this whole "religion thing" wasn't for her. i told her no pressure, that religion thing isn't for me either. i drove her home and surprised her by saying "see ya wednesday!"

Hannah, favored by God, does not believe. monday night showed me how nothing i do can change this. my Lord, my Savior, is the only one who can wrap her heart in His hands and say "This is where I belong." all i can give is the love my Christ gave me, unconditional and unwavering. all i can do is try to glorify Him in everything i say and do. i can't be chased away, i can't be talked down. my friend is going to get the most hugs, high fives, smiles, and invitations to hang out that she's ever gotten in her life. my God showed me the potential of that "nothing". from nothing He can create everything. from nothing He can move mountains and perform miracles. from nothing He can grow a glorious faith.

Hannah, it's a name covered in prayer from all over the country. it's a name for those favored by God, covered in grace. it's a friend that's dearly loved and being called by the Savior. it's the name of everything except for nothing.

faith in the face of Greatness.

what do you see when you envision Christ? i see a Father, a Friend. a compassionate Healer who never fails to forgive and wrap me in His arms. i see only mercy and lovingkindess. my Jesus is all these things, He is the suffering Servant who came to take our burdens.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11

My mind always focuses in on the first part. how my God came into our broken world and took everything we threw at Him. somehow i have managed to overlook the second half of this description. the other day in evans library, i was caught off guard when the Lord unveiled His face for a brief moment, and i saw Him. i felt His nearness more real than anything in this world. i was left on my knees, humbled and craving Him to the point of tears. what a glorious moment. what a glorious God. Here is what He showed me:

Yes, Jesus came to the world as a servant, humbled and led to the slaughter like a lamb. but where is He now? my King is enthroned at the right hand of the Father. He is a Savior, a Warrior, a Lord, ready for the day where He comes back and annihilates satan. our Conqueror is the one who kicked death in the teeth and said "Not today!" He holds the power to answer prayers, to ruin our plans, to build up nations and to move mountains. Jesus our King and Lord, is the one that inspired the great faith of Hebrews 11. go-grab your Bible right now, google it, call up a friend to read it to you. let it sink it.

HE is the cause for those displays of astounding confidence in our Lord. how can i not believe? how can i not follow? when i hear Him beckoning, how can i not run and scream "Send ME!"? He will rule this world one day-Satan flees in the face of His light. how can i ever have doubts, how can i let my insecurities hold any weight? MY JESUS IS KING. HE IS BIGGER THAN ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD. how often i forget that! He will literally destroy every tear, frustration, sadness, and doubt at the end of time. He already cast away every sin of mine. why do i not live like it? my Savior is greater than anything on this earth, truer than any lie, and bigger than any fear. that majesty, that might, is what empowers me. my Lord alone is enough to inspire faith great enough for Hebrews 11. there is nothing greater than my God.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3. this is the Truth. this is my Conquering King, my Enthroned Lord, and my Jesus. it is my focus, my heart's desire and my life's goal. here is where my faith is put. nothing can hold back my God. nothing can hold me back from chasing Him. let the reign of our Lord invade this earth.

my commitment.

(http://younglifeleaders.blogspot.com/)

The Yellow Sheet

I was a freshmen in college going through Young Life leader training. We met in the lobby of Winston dorm on Tuesday nights. One evening we were handed a yellow sheet of paper. Written on that yellow sheet were words. Words that deeply impacted my life. Words that God used to call me to lead Young Life. I still read them often, especially at the beginning of each new school year.

May God use those same words now to speak to you:

My Commitment
by Bill Goans (a pastor and former YL Area Director)

As long as high school kids mill around at ball games
looking for love in all the wrong places,
As long as they desperately seek an identity
based on the opinions of friends and reputation,
As long as kids limp through the stands
broken by family strife,
enslaved by drugs, alcohol, and sex

I want to be found- not in the adult section
where it is respectable and controlled,
but right in the middle
where passions, vulgar and profane,
blurt out obscenity,
Where raucous and reckless facades
hide wounded hearts filled with torment and fear,
Where the price tags have been changed
and darkness confuses-
Right in the middle where God has positioned me
to shine forth His grace, His Hope,
His love and His truth.

As long as there is an enemy who can convince his victims
that tomorrow doesn't matter,
that harm will not find them,
that chains are like jewelry and cool is free,
As long as his lies leave character, soul, and life in ruins-
when thrill goes ill and fun turns fatal,
As long as terminal is only a passage word
to an eternity of one's own choosing.
As long as God has rendered him a defeated foe
using the weakest of us to shine a light
that pierces the darkest places,
that brings rescue to the lost,
As long as the darkness is blasted away
by the light of the world-
that Light that lives within all who
know, follow, and love Him.
As long as there is such darkness...

I'll man my post right in the middle of all that chaos,
holding my position until he calls another play,
and I steal home.
As long as we stand in such an important place,
we must not forget what it means to be salt and light
in this tasteless and dark generation.

In Jesus,
Bill

the wisdom of a convict.

happiness depends on circumstances. joy depends on our Lord.

i once received a letter from a man in jail. im not sure how he knew exactly what i needed to hear, but his writings changed my life. he was under arrest unjustly and indefinitely. he went from being a man of stature to broken physically and persecuted by many. however, this convict bucked the seemingly natural reaction of anger and bitterness along with a spiteful heart and a loss of hope. he took his sentence as a blessing and decided to write through his sad state. he used his chains to help me do away with mine.

he told me to set my heart on things above, to set my mind on things found in heaven, not on this broken earth. my friend wrote that Christ is now my entire life, to eradicate everything extra in my life that weighs me down or distracts me from being intimate with my Lord. his wording reminded me that i am undoubtedly a new creation. i am not what i once was, i am wiped clean and living for something Beautiful. how refreshing. that takes the weight completely off me- i am new. i am redeemed. i just have to follow the lead of my God. what an adventure i get to be a part of! i should be shouting this with joy at the top of my lungs. I AM NEW IN CHRIST. He took this broken sinner and is working daily in me to sanctify me. I AM JUSTIFIED. i no longer have the death sentence i so clearly deserve. this is my reason to sing. this is my river of joy.

this prisoner who had every reason to be shut off from the world urged me to make the best of any opportunity i was given. to do this, he told me to devote myself to prayer. he reminded me of a friend who is always wrestling in prayer for others. what a vivid portrait. how often are my prayers focused on my own trivial problems? i should be on my knees, a warrior in petitions to my King. it shouldnt be just a daily occurrence, but a continuous stream of passionate dialogue on the behalf of others. i should be prayerfully invested in the lives of my dear friends, in acquaintances, and in complete strangers- all for the Kingdom's sake.

what a letter. what beautiful lessons and great reminders. the wisdom of a convict is shaping my life. the writings of a prisoner are bring tears to my eyes. so thank you, my friend. for taking the time to pen your thoughts that would one day change souls and encourage me. oh that i could have the joy of Paul.

want to take a look at the letter? its written to you too- Colossians 3 & 4.

where i find it all

it is nothing i do. i am too weak to carry my burdens on my own. my pride is too big for me to be a servant. i am not strong enough to have an ever lasting smile. i am too wretched to save myself. but His grace will lighten my step, His humility will break me, His love will bring me joy, His sacrifice has brought me redemption. i can rest in His unrelenting love, that daily teaches and brings renewal. i can cast all my burdens at Him, because my God is big enough to take them on His shoulders and still carry me in His hand.

at camp we sang a gorgeous song called We Give It All. the only part we remember is the chorus. i was in a rut trying to remember the verses to share, but then i realized i am singing for an audience of one. the perfection of the verses doesnt matter, just the heart behind them. so my prayer tonight is a song delivered on my knees.

these earthly plans

and these selfish dreams

my guilty hands

and my thoughts unseen

my fear of failure

that ties me to this land

i give it all to You

i give it all to You

i give it all

i give it all to You

my wicked pride

my broken heart

the enemy's lies

that tear us apart

this world is fading

and all i am is Yours

i give it all to You

i give it all to You

i give it all

I give it all to You

my hope. my faith. a joy carried by Your name.

my peace. my strength. a grace that alone can save.

i find it all in You

i find it all in You

i find my all

i find my all in You.

Christ Is Risen

nobody can stand unmoved by this video. the song alone is powerful. the words this man speaks with such conviction and passion however...that is what the church should look like.

Fellowship of the Unashamed

I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit's

Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has

been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow

down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense,

and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight

walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions,

mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or

popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised,

regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by

patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my

way is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted,

or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the

presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the

pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of

mediocrity.

I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I've preached up, prayed

up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a

disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop,

preach until all know, and work until He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My

colors will be clear for "I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the

power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.." (Romans 1:16)

By Dr. Bob Moorehead

broken into beauty

for You and You alone, awake my soul, awake my soul and sing. my Heavenly Daddy opened my eyes and awakened my soul over the past 15 days at NorthBay. one amazing thing about my God is that He never gives up. even on the most prideful and ignorant of children. even on those who refuse to quiet themselves enough to listen. He still chases after my heart. He breaks me down and shows me His face. when i am weak and needy, He reminds me of His beauty.

first eye opener: God showed me His hatred for my pride. dejavu- haven't we had this lesson before? yeah, time and time again i believe i overcome my pride. (feel free to scoff at that sentence). the Lord, in His lovingkindness never leaves me on the pedestal i place myself on. He uses others to knock me down into the dust. but if anyone can make beautiful things out of dust, it's my God. i am too quick to plan my life around my own dreams and selfish ambitions. i do things for the hope of getting noticed. i pray that others will see the goodness in me and be inspired. what a wretch i am.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4.

sucker punch to the heart. at summer staff i was placed at the snack bar, a job that requires making about 100 milkshakes a day but not being seen by kids. i was not in a position to be made their favorite staffer, i wasn't going to be nominated as the person who impacted their camp experience in any way. i was the often times faceless girl who made baller milkshakes and quippy remarks. it was so hard for me to find a way to show Christ through that. i thought that since my job seemed so insignificant that i was useless.-a big hit to the girl who thinks she has it all together. God slapped me in the face with His love. working at this camp wasn't about me. it had nothing to do with the number of kids i wanted to love me, nothing to do with the fact that i had expectations coming in. being at this camp was about serving. i always place myself as a leader-the one in charge. but my friend Andrew made an amazing comment that really stuck with me. "we place ourselves above these kids as leaders. but our real job is to serve. to put ourselves lower and ask what we can do for them. it's not about us anymore." yeah...kinda blew my mind too. so my pride was broken in a big way those two weeks. i stopped looking at my job as a stepping stone for me getting in the spotlight and started seeing it as a way i could serve others. God blessed me with opportunities to give without others knowing and to work without being thanked. it was difficult at first and then the beauty of it swept me off my feet.

the Lord also ripped down the cement walls around my heart. my pride makes me want to hide my struggles so others will think i have it all together. weakness in myself is something i dont deal well with. He broke me emotionally and physically those two weeks. i was asked to be apart of something called "Real Life." basically i got to sit in front of about 600 middle school campers and tell them all about my life in junior high. about how hypocritical i was. i got to share the precious activities i was a part of: gossiping, people pleasing, and shamefully hiding who i was. for the first time i told people how i have always felt so opposite of my family. not that it's a bad thing, but my pride makes that so hard to admit. i was forced during Real Life to see how different i am than others in my life and how although its not always easy, it's such a beautiful thing. uniqueness is a gift from God. pushing my people pleasing habits aside, i got to embrace the fact that i struggle and have insecurities and dont have it all together. being real is extraordinarily and embarrassingly scary for me, but its also gloriously freeing. because of that, i started taking risks and confiding my whole testimony with the girls on summer staff. i told them of my shameful sins and the fakeness i once held so near. they loved me despite my former wickedness and identified with so much of my story. it's funny how satan will use lies such as "youre the only one to ever think that" and "youre alone in this sin" to keep up quiet about our struggles. however, the second someone steps up and shines light on their insecurities and flaws, satan runs and healing begins. with our common backgrounds in the open, we were able to love more deeply. someone just had to be vulnerable and speak up.

while this whole being real with 600 kids and new friends thing was going on- i also had to get extremely vulnerable with someone who i had just met and was hoping to hide my personal issues from. God was pushing me to lean on others with my health problems and fears. for a couple days i kept on blacking out, never all the way to fall down, but enough to where i was terrified. i dont like admitting fear. (once again, my problem of showing any weakness). luckily, a true friend came to my rescue. he didn't belittle my fears or run away when i took down my guard. he cared for me with more compassion and kindness than people i have known my whole life. it amazed me that i could be embraced with all my faults and failures so quickly by a new friend. having Brandon there truly eased my fears and for once i relied on someone else and trusted that they wouldnt judge me for not being perfect.

third lesson- God's plan will reign. He is in complete control. nothing i do can alter His plan, nothing will stop it from happening. i take confidence in this fact, as i walk into a hard decision. His path is so high above anything i can imagine. so its time for me to let go of my own preconceived notions of how my life will turn out. it's time to cast aside all complacency and doubts. i can take that leap of faith because my God is big enough to catch me. i will chase His will because it is perfect and right. He will never laugh at me for trying to follow Him. even if i fail or misread His will, my intentions are pure and His thoughts are higher. i choose to lay down my everything to sit at the feet of Christ and follow Him.

Capernaum showed me that nobody is beyond the grasp of God's love. i always wonder when i see this special needs ministry how much is actually getting through to them. when i saw my new friend Jamie (who has special needs) worshiping however, i knew without a doubt that he understood the unfailing love of our God. Jamie was on his knees, with tears pouring out his eyes, his hands lifted in complete surrender. that picture moved me more than anything those two weeks. Jamie's life is more complicated and difficult than mine. he sees more scorn and apathy by the rest of the world. yet he praises our Lord in such a genuine way that it cannot be ignored. God's love is so encompassing. are we showing everyone we can His grace and mercy? or are we stopping with the people who are most like us- those who we feel comfortable around? do we only witness to those we understand? i want to find Jesus in the streets, in the lowest of places, in the hardest of homes. i want to radiate Christ's love to all those i meet, not just those who will love me back. seeing how i overlook so many people broke me. God's love was not limited to the apostles, it was spread to the pharasees and the lame. it stretched to the servants and kings, to the prideful and the prostitutes. who am i to limit His grace?

Capernaum opened my eyes to the beauty of brokenness. in our most weakened states we rely on God all the more fully. God is in the business of redeeming the most tragic of situations and turning them into something glorious for His kingdom. so i beg You to take my pride, my walls, and my ridiculous earthly plans. take my heart, Lord, and wreck it for Your Kingdom's sake. use my weaknesses so that You can shine through them. let me be broken for Your beauty.

joy

there are some days when i just look at my life and see how blessed i am.

to be redeemed.

to have my sister as my best friend.

to have wicked awesome parents. no for real.

to have genuine people who care about me. for grins and giggles lets name a few:

margaret powell

megan stewart

david serrano

claren hudspeth

austin elms

...and thats just a few.

to have the opportunities ive been given:

to be a younglife leader

summer staff

to have the best snocone place in texas right down the road

to have a home in rockport

and for the joy that Christ brings in my life on the daily.

today is a day for celebration.

the Life-Giver

The first time i hear this passage was in a prayer over me. It was a prayer earnestly seeking boldness for the Kingdom. A prayer to encourage me to show others the life that is available in the one true Redeemer. in that prayer, i was shown something that would stay an inspiration: even a half of a year later.

The beauty of the promises for God's people sometimes catch me off guard. God is the ultimate Life-Giver. He brings joy where there was desolation. He brings peace where there was distress. His Word will always accomplish what He designs it to. He will not be denied.

"As the rain and the snow

come down from heaven,

and do not return to it

without watering the earth

and making it bud and flourish,

so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

It will not return to me empty,

but will accomplish what I desire

and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy

and be led forth in peace;

the mountains and hills

will burst into song before you,

and all the trees of the field

will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,

and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.

This will be for the LORD’s renown,

for an everlasting sign,

that will endure forever.”

Isaiah 55:10-13

My Savior satisfies. He works in the lowest of sinners. He justifies. He sanctifies. He uses those most unworthy for His glory. Nothing is beyond His reach. He blesses beyond my wildest imagination. In family and friends. In mentors and opportunities to serve. He brings lessons and inspiration, healing and growth. in Him is true freedom and grace. The abounding love flows without ceasing. Hallelujah. He will not be denied in bringing life.