let's go back to that first thought. it's a big one for me. i'm the type of person you know well, the one who always questions, always goes back and rethinks situations, who knows the perfect way to handle a problem after ive goofed it up and fumbled around awhile. im the girl who learns through mistakes and has to experience everything i can get my hands on. you think im kidding? ask my dad-who i always call for advice in the midst of a situation ive gotten myself into. ask my mom-who always hears me vent my problems and offers wisdom from every angle possible. ask my sister- who warns me and then watches me careen headfirst into trouble. this is my lifestyle. i can't help but wondering if it was worth it. some of the messes ive stumbled through are painful to think back on. some i can see the benefits of right away and others i'm still struggling to make sense of. Sunday morning had an answer so inspiring though that i cannot stop dwelling on it and speaking it to myself. the Truth is Romans 8:28-30. growing up in the church i've heard this bad boy about twenty times already, but Sunday brought new revelations that were balm to all my self-chosen situational injuries over the past years.
God spoke Truth to my heart clearer and louder and more precious than i've ever heard Him speak. i wrote it down exactly as i heard. this is what my Daddy said," I will use everything for your good, Madeline. those situations were not wasted. they caused you to seek Me more. they showed you My care, My provision, and My intimate knowledge of you. I am making you more like Jesus through all of this. I am at work. and I will finish what I started. I chose you, Madeline. Be confident of that. I am at work in you. I am using everything for your good, I have a plan."
so those hardships: the friend who had severe medical issues coupled with spiritual warfare that left me scared and anxious, the church that spoke their own truths that left me hurt and confused, the boy that i settled for that left me bitter and angry at myself, the organization i dreamed of that didn't work out leaving me embarrassed and let down, and the guy who left me feeling guilty and that i had wasted my time- my God is bigger than all of that. He is using every single instance for my own good to glorify Him. He is sanctifying me through it and drawing me closer to Him. so i am thankful for those experiences. for the times i have fallen accidentally and then blatantly chosen to fall-thank you Lord. it could have happened a different way, but Your plan is beautiful and i can't wait to see how you turn those messy situations and choices into something glorious. the thought brings me endless joy.
i'll be brief about thought two because let's be honest-if you've even read this far you're probably antsy for the conclusion. sorry, i know im longwinded but it's been forever since ive written. i just can't seem to stop and the coffee isnt helping. the long awaited thought-the season i am in right now is so unique. i am in a place where i have no stinking idea where God is leading me. i literally have to take my life at a day by day pace. i listen for what the Lord is telling me that day and i follow. i have no far reaching directions, no visible path im on. He knows and that's enough for me. i am called right now to spring- a time of renewal and joy. a time of seeing the small things-like beautiful weather, a text from a friend, time with my favorite sister- and finding complete happiness in them. i am ridiculously glad to have this time of obedience, of patience, because it demands that i trust Jesus for my everything. for my satisfaction, for my provision, and for my leadership. i absolutely love it. when else am i going to have this beautiful freedom? my God is so good.
now that ive thrown my whole life out there, i wrap up with this. go read Psalm 103. it's a shot of pure joy and thankfulness to the heart. find contentment in the fact that God is at work in our lives, putting the pieces together for our good and His glory. He is leading us in a beautiful journey, all we have to do is follow. enjoy the season.