today i fell off my bike.
well, fell being the most kind term i could apply to what happened. lets cover this as quickly as possible: i hit the front wheel's break coming down a steep hill, flipped and flew over the front handle bars, landed on my knees and hands, and got tangled up in the bike. not my most proud or graceful moment. but as my knees were throbbing and my hands and wrists ringing with pain, a completely random thought caught me off gaurd. "This is nothing compared to what Jesus suffered." what? where did that come from?
let's backtrack: i've been reading through Luke the past month, and it was the 23rd day of my readings.
Luke 23: the scene i had been dreading to read.
a scene so full of hatred and human evil that im ashamed to even think about it sometimes. a scene that forever changed the landscape of history, that altered our lives as Christians. This is the scene where the most undeserving man was sent up to a judge and then condemned to die. so after my embarrassing spill off the bike this onset of pain seemed like a way to make this reading more real. to feel a shred of discomfort in my hands and knees and compare that to being brutally murdered. how utterly shameful that i could even think to compare them. but it made me really ponder the crucifiction, something i try to stay away from so i dont have to shatter my delusion of Jesus's death being a non-violent act of love that didn't hurt at all.
blood. tears. an angry mob screaming for death.
we didnt accept Him. we mocked, ridiculed, tortured, and abandoned Him. after He saved lives, healed broken hearts, made the impossible happen. we traded His life for a criminal's, and brutally murdered Him. and in that bloody, gruesome, violent act, He made something beautiful happen. it's amazing that He still thought us worthy of dying for. on that very day, He took every curse word i've ever said in anger, every prideful thought, every ounce of hate, every wrong thought and gossiping word, every sinful lie and unrighteous action i have ever committed on to His spotless shoulders that were covered in sweat and blood. He took on the sins that i have knowingly committed against Him, every slap in the face i shoved His way, every conscious decision to not follow Him and died for me. He endured a beating. He endured a knife in His side, thorns piercing His head. He took nails tearing through muscles and tendons. He had His flesh ripped from His back and insults thrown His way. He had His modesty removed and mocking forced upon Him. and yet, He took it all. He died for the prideful, worldly girl who lived the first seventeen years of her life as a luke-warm believer, but never as a follower. He died for the girl who just realized what it means to live like you have been saved.
Hallelujah, what a Savior i have.
by not saving Himself, He saved me.
Hallelujah! Praise to the One who's precious blood has pardoned me. What a Savior i serve, my Redeemer and King, His love has rescued me
these two songs really helped me grasp this. please, even if you dont read a word i wrote, please listen to these two songs. it captures the tragedy and the beauty that gave us a new life.
Beautiful Scandalous Night.
Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified
Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and your soul
In the fountain that flowed
For you and for me and for all
At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night
On the hillside, you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that poured
From our blessed Savior's side
How Deep the Father's Love for Us.
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measureThat He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
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