relentless.

i hear stories of Him. i know it’s a good thing to believe in. i say the words, i play my part. i live for the world. He tugs on my heart, gets to close. i slap Him with my hypocrisy. He whispers, “I love you.”

and i ignore Him.

i hear stories from those who love Him. i want their confidence. i feel something for Him, but i just love the world too much. it’s pretty and shiny and has no consequences. His was is hard, full of blind faith and uncertainties. He is pulling me towards Him. i slap Him with my willing sin. He whispers even louder, “I love you.”

and i pretend to listen.

i hear how He can transform hearts. i want it. i want to live for not myself. i’m growing tired of the world. of it’s fickleness. but sometimes i can feel myself caught in the middle. waiting for the big jump, but too scared of what i’ll have to give up. He calls me by name. i slap Him with my doubts. He looks me in the eye, “I love you Madeline.”

and how can i not hear Him?

i punch. i scream. i throw everything out into the wind. i cast my anxiety and fears on Him. i lay every sin, every failure, every regret on His shoulders. i cry out, in the pain of guilt and the terror of loosing control. i say every bitter and angry thought i can. i question, i remind Him of every slap in the face i gave Him. i remind Him how dirty and disgusting i am. how low and proud i am. how full of this wicked world i am. i scream it out at the top of my lungs.

He screams even louder, “I know, it doesn't change anything. I love you Madeline.”

and how can i not believe Him?

He takes my heart. He holds me. He walks me through my days, reassuring me of my doubts, erasing my guilt, healing the sting of my regrets. He take my pain and He makes me new. He never leaves me. He takes my questions and He fills my world with His beauty. He takes up all of my heart. He overflows my life with blessings. He renews and restores me. He gives me life and awakens my soul. He never gives up on me. He redeems and sanctifies me. He takes my burdens on His shoulders and moves mountains. He's relentless.

He tells me in every way, “See. I love you Madeline. You’re Mine.”

i fall on my face in wonder of Him. in love with Him. in complete surrender of my life.

and how can i not love Him?