Christmas: a season of declaration and hope.

War. Not exactly the first thing that comes to mind a Christmas, but it has everything to do with the season. I had my eyes opened during a church sermon, not expecting it to impact me so much. We often get caught up in the commercialism of this season: the gifts, the clay-mation deer, the carols singing of winter wonderlands and worldly loves. When we do imagine the deeper meaning it looks something like a gorgeous little cherubic Baby Jesus surrounded by glowing Mary and Joseph who look like they've just stepped out of a day spa. Throw in some cute shepherds and some fluffy animals and the whole picture is something from a Precious Moment's catalog.

However, Christ's birth was an act of war, a declaration that one day we would be taken from this earth and out of the grasp of satan. Christmas is God saying to satan, "Here is My Champion. Here is the One who will own you. Here is the One who will crush you and death and anything you throw His way. One day He will be victorious and come back and kick your butt." Bet you thought Christmas was just about a cute manger scene and the happy, uplifting side of Christianity. I know i did. I never did get the big picture until a few weeks ago.

Christmas is the beginning of the end of the spiritual war going on around us daily. satan is trying to cling to us to take us from God. Christmas is where God declares He has a plan to save us. The birth of Jesus was God's sacrifice entering the world: the One that would save us and destroy the enemy. Christ came as a baby to one day suffer for our inequities and our transgressions. For every slap in the face that we throw His way, He took to the cross. God sent His Holy Son fully aware that while Christ was dying and gifting us with eternal life, satan was losing souls to take away from Heaven. So He was born into a world that turns Him away and mocks Him. We do it daily. We choose our own ways instead of His. But take hope in the Christmas season. He was born to forgive our sins and save us from death. He gives eternal life. He will be the Victor over satan. He will one day take us to our Heavenly home and give us the gift of being with him forever. Take that, satan.

Our hope is in something eternal and daily forgiving and forever reigning. satan had no hope once God sent Christ. Every action from then on was set in to motion on that one starry night. Where the Son of God and Son of Man collide to form the perfect sacrifice. That one brave and imperfect couple who was thrown into a dirty and less than desired stable. It was set into motion when the first to worship Christ were the humble and simple shepherds who none thought worthy of any status. That imperfect scene is the perfect declaration of our God. He is proclaiming the hope we have of salvation and the hope we have in an everlasting victory. Praise to our Savior. His unfailing love and mercy daily save us. Christmas reminds me of His glory, of His eternal victory, and of His sacrifice. Thank You, Lord. We can never say it enough. Declare hope this season. Declare that our Heavenly Daddy will be the Champion. Declare that we have a reason to sing, to worship, to live differently and to live radiantly.

sanctification. the process of love.

justification is the act of being saved. sanctification is the process of being made more like Christ. thank goodness my God has endless patience. im astounded time and time again by His grace. His ability to forgive and move forward, to work in a broken world, in broken people. I fall to my knees for His compassion daily. "The beauty of the cross is that Your grace has found me just as i am."

In YoungLife we were told, "God doesn't call the equipped. He equips the called."

that hit me hard. He sanctifies those He calls. He will make me ready and sends me out. all i have to do is say "Here i am Lord! Send me." i have faith in that. God dances among the ordinary. He works through the seemingly mundane. so i look for Him in the small things, our God is a God of details. He will speak to me through the tiniest of joys. i just need to listen. i have to be willing to change and let go of all my vices, my pride, my comfort. i have to be His.

Daddy,

my prayer tonight is that i will listen to You. that i will keep an open heart to hear Your will for me. i know i dont deserve it in any way, but i pray for Your forgiveness. Your love overwhelms me when i think about how many times ive broken Your heart. i want to be sanctified through You. make me like You so i can go out and reach others for Your kingdom. i want to be like Simeon, expectantly awaiting the day You come. Oh what a day! let me work for Your Kingdom in the process. change me to be like You. mold me, use me, make me Yours alone. God i pray that You will continue to break me down daily. break my heart and my pride. Break my holds to this world. I am justified, and for that i thank you so much. Sanctify me Lord. I want to be used by you. "Ruin my life, plans i have made. Ruin desires for my own selfish gain. Destroy the idols that have taken Your place. until it's You alone i live for." that's my prayer. that i would listen, learn and change.

Thank You for Your unfailing love.

Amen

Secrets of Success

life is best when it’s random, awkward, and carried by the grace of Christ.

find joy in the small things.

be quick to smile, quick to praise, and quick to give hugs.

love others more than yourself.

make a dinosaur noise.

brush your teeth often.

take pictures, make memories, tell corny jokes.

set trends.

make sure to eat good food, life’s too short for meals you don’t enjoy.

life life fully.

be original.

dont follow others, follow Jesus.

Paid For

I hear the Savior say

Thy strength indeed is small

Child of weakness watch and pray

Find in me thine all in all

Jesus paid it all

All to him I owe

Sin had left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow

Lord now indeed I find

Thy power and thine alone

Can change the lepers spots

And melt the heart of stone

Jesus paid it all

All to him I owe

Sin had left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow

It's washed away! All my sin! And all my shame!

And when before the throne

I stand in him complete

Jesus died my soul to save

My lips shall still repeat

Jesus paid it all

All to him I owe

Sin had left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow

Sin had left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow

Oh praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!

Oh praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!

Jesus paid it all

All to him I owe

Sin had left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow

provision

the Lord provides. He gives hope.

sometimes it just takes us being broken to see it.

He uses us when we're at our weakest. He takes our wretched, messy states and shines in spite of them. He shows His mercy and love even when it's not deserved. He provides for our needs that are unspoken. My God saves, my God loves, my God helps and gives heart. He inspires a faith so strong in His followers that i see it and have no choice but to believe. i want that type of trust, and im learning to have it, to lean on the Everlasting Rock.

He gives friends when we're low. He gives opportunities that can change a life. He lets us hurt so we can feel the immensity of His love. He lets us go through trials so we can see true joy. He lets us worry so when He provides our faith will be stronger.

i thank my Lord daily for the people He has placed in my life. there are people who have so blessed me that i will never forget them. Ashleigh and Claren, Margaret and Meredith, Amanda and Stephanie, David and Austin. they will never know how much they mean to me. how inspiring they are. how loved they are. i am so grateful and forever impacted by the faith they show and the love they give freely. my Heavenly Daddy knows what they need, and i believe His glory will come through these circumstances. He provides, He cares, He never stops holding our hands, He is ever faithful.

Praise to our Lord, who knows exactly what we need.

true beauty

want to know something beautiful?

no matter how i look

no matter how many people on this earth judge me

no matter how far i fall

no matter how much i mess up

no matter how much i lose sight of what's important

no matter how broken i am

My God still loves me.

He still heals me.

He still wraps me in His arms and says, "Yes, you're a wretched sinner. Yes, you've chosen your own way instead of Mine. But I love you. So I'm going to save you anyways. You're My beloved."

and that my friends, is something glorious.

a hope unswerving

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hebrews 10:23-25

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1

Fill us up, and send us out. Fill us up and send us out, Lord.

Tim Hughes: God of Justice

"Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."

But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.

Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."

Jeremiah 1:6-10

Hebrews was written for the hopeful, for those looking upward and onward. For those weary of the world and wanting encouragement and uplifting. For those wanting to persevere instead of just enduring. To me, endurance is just getting through an experience. Endurance is the power to withstand hardship or stress. Perseverance is persistent determination. Perseverance is getting through the struggle without ever backing down. It's meeting that challenge with a head held high. It's running with faith.

I daily miss my Mfuge family from the past two years. They have become my closest and best quality friends. I miss the depth of conversation and the light their presence is in my world. But i know that they are chasing our God alongside me, and i know i am not alone. they have been such an inspiration and an encouragement in my life. they give me hope as we persevere together.

So let us band together as fellow believers, united around a merciful God that saves, that brings joy, that forgives. My prayer as this year begins is that we would not be shackled down by the world, but we would run with faith alongside each other. That we would look to the brighter day we have coming and do everything we can to get the lost there with us. To be lights in this dark and broken world, to witness to the lonely and hurting, to love without fear or inhibitions. Let's spur each other on to doing good, so that our witness will be undeniable. So that others will have no choice but to acknowledge how great our Heavenly Father is.

My hope is in my Savior that loves me with an unstoppable love, even though i don't deserve even the slightest bit of it. My faith is in the fact that He has a plan for my life: even if i cannot see or understand that plan, my God is the God who provides. He will see me through. I trust that He will lead me to His will if i earnestly seek it. I will not fear because of my youth, I will not hold back because of my smallness. He is a majestic and powerful God who can move mountains, cause the blind to see, and lift nations up. He can work in me and even in spite of my failures and shortcomings i believe He can work through me. So i will follow His word for He will rescue me. I will not be afraid because my God is a miraculous God. I pray He sends me out, and that i answer that call.

may the lost be found

fish camp. four days of yelling, learning traditions, dancing, more yelling, sweating, making friendships, watching skits and figuring out who you want to be in college. i went into this expecting something incredible, but i realized soon that it paled in comparison to mfuge. it was great in it's own way, yet for me it was lacking a vital component: the component of Christ.

all my life id sat by and watched while the world shaped me, but fuge made me realize every day is a mission, every action is a witness. fish camp opened my eyes to just how much the world needs Christ's love. relationships without the foundation of a common Savior leave a superficial and meaningless bond over the world. it's lacking of substance, of depth. it's a cause for reaching out and showing God's love. in our discussion groups, we have kids talking of broken families, lost friendships, and bitter feelings with such anger and resentment and guilt. people at camp were openly using language every time i turned around. vulgarity and profanity was considered acceptable if not encouraged by other campers. partying, drinking, sleeping around was the norm.

the thing that broke my heart the most, however, was the open atheism. my heart broke for those that had no hope in my God. they had no idea of the joy and love that He daily gives. they didn't know that the holes in their lives could be filled by His forgiveness, or maybe they did know and just blindly turned their heads. i know atheists, and have had personal experiences with one that made me see that the Christian bubble i live in is naive. but to have kids profess a disbelief in the Lord that so changed my life was heart rending. the fact that i am a living witness of Christ was reinforced by the knowledge that i was surrounded by non-believers.

we refer to non-believers as "the lost" and i truly saw why. not to say that i have it all together-that is so far from the truth. but they are missing out on the biggest gift ever given, they are saying no to a Savior who died the most gruesome death possible for them. they are refusing to be loved, rejecting forgiveness, and seeking the world. my prayers go out to them.

Heavenly Daddy,

be the solution to this world. You are bigger than our problems, our pride, our sins, and our love of the world. You alone can satisfy, wash clean, and heal. I pray that You will work in the lives of the bitter, lonely, and lost. let my every action be a witness for You. i'm so sorry when i fall short of that, because i know i do daily. i want to live for Your name alone. i give over my days to You, my desires, my plans, my actions, my life. use me for Your will. i pray that the lost are found and the blind i will see only You. let the hope we have in You rise and darkness flee from the sound of Your voice calling out to Your children. open our eyes to You. 'break down our pride and the walls we built up inside, our earthly crowns and all our desires to lay down at Your feet.' i pray that every single voice will call to You in surrender. You would leave behind 99 sheep to seek the one lost, wandering soul-this is my prayer, Lord. thank you for working daily in my life. my heart goes out to those who don't have the light of the world in their lives.

Amen.

and He even loves the messy.

John Mark McMillan wrote the song How He Loves. The story behind it is beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NXWE6AC8ao

After watching that, i was struck by how many truths i so often overlook. John McMillan went through a tragedy and is able to see God's unrelenting love, yet here i sit in my comforted life with reminders all around me, and i forget that i can't stop the unrequited love of my Savior. The song John McMillan wrote is more than a song to me, it's a constant refresher of how the Lord's love overwhelms every sin, every action, every doubt and fear and anger i have. It reminds me that no part of me is unloved. we american-ize the word love. we turn it into a cliche term used for meaningless affection or desire of something. the true meaning of love, however, is found upon a cross, where my Savior poured out His blood for my broken, messy, and kind of gross life.

"i really needed some sort of conversation with God. there were some things i needed to say"

He is jealous for me,

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden,

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realise just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

"the love i'm singing about in that song is really, is not a pretty clean. it's not a hollywood hot pink love. its a um, a kind of love thats willing to love things that are messy, and willing to love even the difficult. and sort of umm you know, kind of gross kind of things."

oh how He loves us so. oh how He loves us. how He loves us so.

"in this frustrated perious, in my anger and in my resentment, and in my frustration, He could still love me through that. you know, and in this process of dealing with life He could love me through that and He was ok, He wasnt offended by the fact that i was angry at God."

We are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

"this song isn't a celebration of weakness and anger, its a celebration of a God who would want to hang with us through those things, who would want to be a part of our lives through those things and despite of who we are He would want to be a part of us and be a part of our community and be a part of our family. and thats the kind of love i think i'm talking about."

So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,

When I think about, the way…

He loves us. Oh how He loves us. Oh how He loves us.

How He loves us so.

-all quotes by John Mark McMillan. The man who i thank for reminding me of the all-consuming love i get to experience.

Reminded Again:)

"Jesus loves you."

"You're forgiven."

"Our God is great."

hearing a saying your whole life can desensitize you to the message. i've heard these since grade school. over time i have come to say them, but not grasp the true meaning. my mouth was cut off from my emotions. last night the youth experienced a unique worship service. they silently and individually went over attributes of God posted on the wall. the purpose was to let them self-discover what those attributes meant to them personally. then we went to a music service. throughout the songs i sat in the back of the hall and just had an intimate moment with my Lord. i sang at the top of my lungs, danced in my aisle, and let Him work in my heart. He took that and reminded me of a few things.

My God is patient: He never gives up on me.

He is love. My heart felt truly enveloped in His all-consuming passion for me...the girl who sins against Him, who turns my back on Him, who is selfish and ungrateful. He loves me. Last night i was overcome with affection towards Him. How great is our God! i get to serve a God who i offer nothing to yet He offered me His best: I have the hope of a life spent with Him! Praise be to God! im weak and poor, but ALL i have is His, every single breath i breathe, every single moment He gives me on this earth. it is His!

the other thing He reminded me of last night, and i dearly love Him for this, is that my sins are paid for. im always the girl with the guilty conscience. i hold on to my mistakes after ive asked for forgiveness, they weigh me down and make me feel ashamed. However, last night as i wrote my confessions on a slip of paper and taped it to a cross, i thought about exactly what i was doing: i was placing the weight of my transgressions onto my Savior's shoulders as He died. I was nailing the nail in His perfect hand. I was spitting into His unblemished face. I was casting my sins at His feet, begging for mercy and for forgiveness. and you know what He did? He took them and loved me in spite of my screw ups. I am in awe of my amazing God.

so guess what world? MY SINS ARE GONE! they are wiped clean, payed for. FORGIVEN! no more. Forgotten! as far as the east is from the west! at the bottom of the ocean floor. Jesus paid it all. and all to Him i owe. sin had left me stained with the deepest stains. but He chose to wipe them white as snow. That is why i love my God. and that is why i praise Him with every fiber of my being.

so take heart. have hope in the Lord. because He forgives, forgets, and loves endlessly.

ASHLEIGH!!!

The Voicemail/Phonecall that Made My Life!

you, my dear friend, have made my world by thinking to call me. that meant so much to me. i love you to nashville and back, to the stars and back. basically to the edges of the universe. thank you so incredibly much for caring enough to do that. you are the absolute best. and i am so grateful God put my other half into my life. definitely His work.

to live for Him

on the very first day in Nashville we had to write our goals for the upcoming two weeks. i honestly wrote what had been laid on my heart for a while. i put this list in my notebook and moved on. i read it on the last day of camp and was struck by how many i had grown in. i set it back in my notebook and forgot about it.

until this morning, that is. i read the list and realized it wasnt just a notecard of my goals for the two weeks of mission work, it was a list of goals for my life. a list of things i need to grow and improve on. here is my plea: for those who read this to keep me accountable for these. to assist me in moving forward, to urge me into action. to keep me from staying stagnant and stationary.

here are my unedited and uncensored goals. this is what was written on that notecard in my journal. this is my prayer for the Lord, that He will move and me and complete His work that has been started in my heart. Im not perfect, I never will be. But i yearn to live for Him and to run towards Him, to strive for His kingdom.

Goals:

• for God to humble me to the point where i can see where i need improvement.
• strengthen my convictions
• to see ways to minister daily and to seize those opportunities
• to stop being self-centered and to abandon my dreams to God; to let HIm plan my life
• to have the courage to follow through with everything i learn here
• to be satisfied in Him ALONE
• to be humbled enough to learn daily
• to really feel, know, and experience God's unrelenting love and salvation to the fullest extent. to cast away my insecurities, regrets, and worries.
• to have the faith to take action and witness.
• push my limits
• love others fully and without holding anything back
• make a life change

God, this is my prayer.

You know my heart, my insecurities, my doubts and my failures. You know my dreams, desires, and plans. Help me search for You in every second of my life. I pray that not a minute goes by where i'm not reminded of Your love and the gift of life You so freely gave. I pray that i follow through on these goals, that i carry them with me every day. Please continue to move in my life. Help me stay focused on You, to not get so easily sidetracked by this world and my selfishness and pride. I love You for being gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, yet abounding in love. I can never fully thank You for not giving up on me. It's my goal to live for You. Strengthen me, embolden me, give me courage to live for You.

In Your precious and holy name,

Amen.

χέρια και τα πόδια του Θεού

χέρια και τα πόδια του Θεού- The hands and feet of God. I hear this saying all the time in songs and sayings, "Go and be the hand and feet of God," "I want to be Your hands and feet."

It means i want to do Your work, God. It means i surrender my pride to you. i hand over my day for Your will. Take it from me, help me live for You today. I want to live for the One who keeps on forgiving me, who keeps on loving no matter what, who is always there. i want to live for You and You alone. Bring me to my knees, show me where i can love today in this broken and hurting town. i want to be Your hands and feet and show Your lovingkindness. i don't want to fade into the culture, i dont want to slip back into the world. Help me stand out for You today, Lord. David was called "The man after God's own heart." i want to leave a legacy like him, i want to strive to be "The woman after God's own heart." Keep me strong in You, i give You my day, my life, as a living sacrifice. i love You, i praise You, i want to be Your hands and feet. Make me the χέρια και τα πόδια του Θεού today.

the beauty of youth

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

-1 Timothy 4:12

Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young.

I may be young. I may be carefree. I may have my own way of looking at the world. But that does not make me wrong. I have ideas, beliefs, a faith, a way of seeing the best in people, and a way of hoping in the face of reasons not to. These are all real. Nobody can take them from me. My innocence is by choice, but does not mean that I don't understand the world, that I do not see things as they are. Spontaneity does not negate intelligence. Free spirited does not mean immature.

Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.

Alexander Hamilton

Here I am, standing for what I believe in. I won't let the world define me. God gave me passion and curiosity and conviction for a reason. I chose what I believe in and what I fight for. My life was given to me by a God who blessed me with characteristics, opportunities, and resources. I am trying to make the best of them. While others might not agree, I will pursue these whole heartedly. I am not looking for approval or assistance of the world. I will chase what I feel led to, and if others do not agree then they can stand by and watch while I run for my God, while I run towards Him.

So mock me because I am young. Assume that I am ignorant and immature, that I am naive and wrong. Because I will prove to you that my God enables the passionate and the young. He gives me my eagerness to pursue relationships and new experiences. He gives me my conviction and assurance in my beliefs. I am strong because of Him. There are different ways of looking at a situation, those differences make me beautiful and loved by Him. So don't discount me. I may be young, but that doesn't make me incapable of being right, of being inspired, and of being able to pursue what I believe and know to be true. I will respect the belief of others, while holding my own opinion. and that, my friends, is the beauty of being young. <3

My Princes... Run to Win

I found this today. How "God timing" it was too. He knows what i need, when i need it.

This is in an amazing book full of "love letters" from our King.

"Remember that in a race everyone runs,

but only one person gets the prize.

You also must run in such a way

that you will win."

-1 Corinthians 9:24

You, My princess, are destined to win. I know how tired you often become, just by trying to do and say all the right things. Take that pressure off yourself, because I did not put it there. The world may judge you by what they see and hear, but I look within your heart, My child. I see your desire to please Me, and I see your struggle to please others. If you want to win this endurance race, you must let go of your need for the approval of others and seek My will and My pleasure. Simplify your life, and let go of the burdens that weigh you down. You'll find that My grace will lighten your step, and My favor will even draw others to join you. Yes, at times you will stumble and fall. But don't worry. I'm here to help you get back up again- as often as it takes. Make it your daily passion to run with Me, and I will carry you over the finish line of your faith. Together we will win!

Love,

Your King and your Champion.

seeking confidence

Where do i seek my confidence?

compliments, the mirror, the scale, through others. thats where i used to search for it. Last year, at SLA, i noticed how joyful and secure in myself i was while there. I was focusing on running towards the Lord, so i stopped caring if i had on makeup for the day, i stopped noticing if i looked this world's definition of "perfect" before running out the door. Flash forward to senior year. my confidence is firm at the beginning of the year, i'm not looking to others to make me feel satisfied or approved of. that is, of course, until someone completely tears me down and makes me feel insecure as i was before SLA. after April, i decided to not let others define my happiness and the way i feel about myself. The King of Kings, my Heavenly Daddy loves me just how i am. He delights in me. He made me this way, all my quirks and insecurities, all my shining aspects and my most annoying habits. He loves me in spite of this...He loves me because of this. So now that i have stopped looking to my peers to seek self-confidence, where do i look for in search of a confidence of life? it would previously come from feeling wanted and loved by the world, but that's not it anymore. I was made to stand out, to be set apart, and an outcast for the Lord.

"I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord:

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord."

-Psalm 27:13-14

This is where i am confident. The Lord loves me, He has prepared a place for me in His kingdom, so I will be strong and take heart for Him. I am waiting for something better than this earth, so it doesn't matter if i have the approval, ok, or support of this world. I have something better, the confidence in a King.

set free

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,

along with every form of malice.

Ephesians 4:31

Today, i let go of my bitterness. It wasn't a conscious effort. The other night, I prayed that God would take my whole life. That He wouldn't just take the parts i wanted to show, but that He would take it all. He took ahold of the "righteous anger" that i had held on to for so long, that i had argued, defended, and woven into my memories, and completely removed it from me. I normally wouldn't have realized this for a long time, maybe i would have found a way to get that anger back by the time i saw the people it was directed against. But this morning right when i woke up, i got a call from one of those said people. I was braced for a flood of emotions, but all i got was a happiness that the slate was wiped clean. After that a deluge of joy and relief swept through me. It takes so much effort to stay angry and to keep a grudge. I am so quick to forgive everyone around me! People mention it to me all the time, i'm "too easy" on people, i "give out chances like they'll never run out", i "need to be more selective on who i forgive." It's something i do tho, i don't like the feeling of anger. But when it was my own family, i couldn't let go of the bitterness. I held on to it for an inexcusable amount of years. But this morning, i felt freed from it. I thank God for that. He took that weight from me when i cast it on His shoulders. I no longer have to worry about being cold or angry to these people. I can show them the love of my Savior, which i should have been doing for years. So thank you, Lord, for the clean heart. I praise you for this unshackled feeling. The burden is gone, i've been set free, and I'm never looking back.

for You i sing i dance

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty’s all I see

The brightness of Your glory has arrived

In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance

Rejoice in this divine romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You

Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room

Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life

In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

-Divine Romance, Phil Wickham

I listened to this song yesterday and was overcome with joy. Anybody who has been to a worship service with me, who has been to a concert with me, or who has even seen me anytime music is playing knows that i love to sing and dance. It's how i express myself. I can't stay silent or still whenever i hear music. This song, these lyrics, touch that part of me. i sing and i dance for a King of Kings. I sing because it's how i express my joy. my complete and utter love for the One who saved me. it's how i worship.

"Praise the Lord.

Praise Him with the sounding of the trumpet,

praise Him with the harp and lyre,

Praise Him with Tambourine and dancing,

Praise Him with the clash of cymbals,

praise Him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord. "

-Psalm 150:1, 3-6

We are called to praise Him with everything we have. With complete abandonment I lift my hands and dance for the King. How lucky we are to have that opportunity. So yes, i dance like there is nobody watching, and I sing at the top of my lungs. I might look like i'm absolutely crazy to some, but i give it all to Him. Complete surrender of worship was the most meaningful realization i ever had. Once i stopped putting on a show for others and actually used that time to meet with God and to praise Him i was no longer focused on how it would look to others, i was actually loving Him. For Him, i sing and i dance. I rejoice in that divine romance.

like the rising sun that shines:)

today is going to be a beautiful day. i give it to You, Lord.

the most encouraging thing for me to do is listen to SLA songs first thing in the morning. It gets my heart in the right place to live the day for someone greater than me.

We are,
Living to make Your Name high Jesus
Living to make Your Name high Jesus You,
Gave what the world couldn't offer us
Say what they want, Say what they want
We are free!

We are free!
thats such a powerful statement. We are free in Christ. My heart is overjoyed because i no longer have to worry about this world, He has it taken care of. In Him i am free to run, I am free to dance, I am free to live for Him. I am free to run as hard as i can towards Him and let the world fall away.

so i'm not shaken. and i'm not letting go!

awake my soul and sing

SLA. words can't describe how incredible that experience was.

The other SLAyers were legit. Not gunna lie, i made some lifelong friends out of them. Let's just say that Ashleigh and i were both otters, and that makes my heart so happy:) She was definitely meant to live in texas one day so we can be bestfriends.

The staffers were amazing too; David opened my eyes and helped me see that every conversation, every action, every moment should be given to Christ. Never have i met a person who is more deep, more loving, or more passionate for the Lord. He is such an inspiration to me.

As well as Megan. She wasn't even affiliated with the camp, yet she managed to have an impact on me. that's how much of a light for Christ she is. When i heard the verse about being a "city on a hill" today, i thought immediately of her. How open she is to new people and how positive she is. I miss these people more than i can say.

And my little brothers: eric, javontae, kenneth, and camren. Jada and Mika too. I miss those kids. They came from harsh backgrounds; family lives that weren't the best, rough parts of town, discouragement around every corner. Yet they still managed to bright joy to my days at camp. They loved so freely and just wanted someone to give them time. If i could i would still be with them at PTM, letting them know they are loved and treasured.

i grew so much in my relationship with Christ as well. those two weeks held a lot of knowledge to be gained for me, and a lot of realizations that had to take place. I am a prideful person, and i have to daily ask to be brought to my knees. Asking for humility is one of the hardest prayers i have ever prayed. I am literally asking the Lord of the universe to wreck my world and make me as small as i can be so i have nowhere to go but to Him. That scares me. But my trust is in the Lord.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

-Romans 12:1-2

This verse tells me to humble myself before my God. To stand up for Him, to pursue Him. but also, something that becuase of my pride, stands as my biggest challengs. and that is sacrifice. It was a theme at fuge: surrendering your life to Christ. To give Him everything: good, bad, plans, desires, hopes, and goals. I'm a planner. I know what i want with my life. i say i live for God, yet i go about my day with my pride saying i know whats best for me and what im doing with my life. If i truely surrender then it will no longer start with the word "i". it will be "God is telling me to do this." or "God is leading me here". I dont listen. the words sound fine, "i surrender all," but when push comes to shove, do i actually give over every single fiber of my being?

It has to be more than words. I have to live it. Thats the hardest part. so hold me accountable. keep me to a higher standard.

Lord. because You love me and created me, You know what's best for me. I want to serve and trust You from here on. Take my life.

That's my prayer today. I want my life to be a living sacrifice. Holy and pleasing to God. He is good. He is my stronghold. He loves me with an everlasting love despite my fears and failures and stupid selfish decisions. He has a plan for my life that puts mine to shame. I can't wait to find out what it is. I just know that i want to run after Him and never look back.